Being psychic is weird...
Here's what happened today.
I was supposed to have a dental appointment at 12:30, and while there's always a little bit of nerves (who really likes going to the dentist?), my appointment wasn't a big deal.
Except, apparently today it was. Because I woke up with a ton of anxiety--something I haven't experienced in years, decades. There was a sense of dread that continued to build, a feeling that if I went, I was going to die.
Dramatic, right? But that thought had been nagging at me all week, and it was getting to the point where I wondered if I needed to get my things in order.
I don't fear death. I know it's an uncomfortable subject for a lot of people, but with the experiences I've had and now as part of what I do (mediumship, grief counseling, and I plan on taking courses for death doulaship next year), I have complete and utter faith in what's on the other side of our physical passing.
But I'm not ready to go, and I know it. I still have a lot of personal ambition and human experiences I want to have and there's still work for me to do in this world. We need boots on the ground if we're going to keep changing the world for the better, and I intend to continue to wear my pair for a good, long while.
Besides. I didn't fight so hard to stay just to leave.
I tried distracting myself with work and spending some time outside to calm the anxiety, but it just kept building. So finally, at noon, I called the dentist's office and spoke to the receptionist. My voice cracking, I was honest as I told her that I was experiencing overwhelming anxiety, and could I reschedule? No problem. She compassionately told me to call back next week.
As soon as I hug up the phone, I burst into tears--full on-sobbing to the point that Moxie came over and nudged me with her nose, and I threw my arms around her and sobbed some more. My nervous system that had been inexplicably spazzing out was beginning to calm--like my soul was sighing in relief.
I decided to take a nap. I lay down in bed and closed my eyes, my mind clearing as I settled into my pillows.
Then I heard a voice.
I can't really articulate how I hear things as a psychic. It comes from somewhere inside of me but is not me. It's audible, and yet I feel it as a sensation more than connect it to my physical hearing. It wasn't my own voice in my mind--it was a distinctly mature male.
He said, "I love you."
Later, I shared with my parents that it felt like my grandpa.
I called the owner of my local spiritual shop who is like family. She told me that she had been thinking of me all day, as my name kept coming up. ("Yeah, because I've been having an absolute meltdown today!" I joked). Her husband, who is also psychic, tuned in and confirmed what I thought: whatever this was that happened today, it was protection.
I went about the rest of my day feeling perfectly normal, and any of those impending thoughts are gone. It feels like I jumped timelines, like there was a potential exit point and I chose to stay.
(I'll always choose to stay.)
There is so much more to this universe than we can possibly imagine, and as someone deeply connected to herself, I've gotten pretty good at trusting my intuition--even if it doesn't make logical sense, even if it looks completely crazy on the outside. It's like forgetting your wallet and running back into the house or those few extra seconds at the red light... You might not think it matters, but in the grand design, it could mean everything.
All I know is today, amongst a whole lot of upset, I anchored back into something I've known to be true my whole life:
I'm protected.
And I'm loved.
(And so are you.)